150410

that was the saddest moment in my teenage life

I (finally) cried over a boy

It's sad, not because the broken heart I felt, but because I did the taboo thing I wish I'd never did,

cried - over - a - boy

It has been almost seven months after that moment,

he never know what he's done to me until now, yeah maybe he knew a bit, but he surely didn't know the details.

we're friends now, a good one. better than before and I have no pressure anymore to behave or do good stuff in front of him. I thank God for that.

and know, after a little talk with my bestfriend, suddenly I remembered that moment again. I already forgave him, surely, whether he knew or not. but the memory just came back last night and I can't help but feel sad until now.

we move on, I know, and I do it too, but I miss the feelings, when I got texts from him, chatted with him, even when I got phonecalls from him. only the feeling, not the person (thank God)

I don't miss you

I miss me when I'm with you

You Don't Know Me

You give your hand to me
And then you say, "Hello."
And I can hardly speak,
My heart is beating so.

And anyone can tell
You think you know me well.
Well, you don't know me.

No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night;
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight

Oh I'm just a friend.
That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me.

For I never knew the art of making love,
Though my heart aches with love for you.

Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.

You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky girl

Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me

Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.

Oh, you give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky girl

Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me

The True Purpose of Industry

And I've tried to find happiness in a bigger TV, a car and a watch. I've tried to find happiness in power over others and the respect of the people around me. And I appreciate your patience, while you stand here, right in front of me.

Waiting for me to come to my senses.

postingan di kala bosen

got nothing to do here, so I decided to post some stuffs to my blog *boong banget padahal masih ada tugas statos sama persiapan role play besok* :p

anyway, I've been settling down in Jatinangor dan sedikit-sedikit gw lumayan bisa lah nyaman sama suasana sini. walaupun awalnya gw kurang betah, tapi karena ada bocah-bocah ini :

gw jadi mulai nyaman soalnya sebagian besar juga dari jakarta, bahkan ada yang dari 61, tetangganya sekolah gw, how small world it is ck

but in the other side, I felt a lil' bit uncomfy with my whole new classmates. dunno why, but maybe one of the reasons is my class consists of snmptn's grads. as you know then, most of my classmates are... yeah, non-jakarta people.

sorry sorry, I'm not being rude. I just wanna explain why in the beginning I didn't feel comfortable around them. kaya kata dosen gw nih, kalo komunikasi yang efektif itu terjadi karna adanya commoness, yaitu kesamaan. mungkin karna itu kali ya gw gak nyaman.

but but but, after a month or so, my faculty were having dies natalis or 50th birthday ceremony and we, the new collegers, had to attend the ceremony in Unpad DU, Bandung. ( I still don't know why we're having ceremony in bandung yet our faculty is in nangor, but why bother? ;p )

after that long and not-so-boring ceremony, me and some of my classmates had some 'photoshoots' then we headed to ciwalk to do karaoke-ing.

and oh gawd, they're so crazyyyy. they chose really random songs, as long as the song could make us screamed and danced.

oh here they are :

judge freely please, but one thing I've learned that don't ever judge people by their cover. and time by time, I'm almost comfortable around them. why just almost? because still, some of them are annoying and can't behave normally.

ah, I still miss my high school friends of course, but even the Bible says don't look back. I don't mean to forget them, I just thought that we can see our future if we don't keep remember the past all the time, right?

shoot, I have to sleep now, I have a roleplay contest presenting my class. tau kok gw, si gagu nina gaya bener ikutan lomba begituan sekarang? LOL. I have no idea either, maybe this is my lesson to be a better person? ;)

goodnight world, goodnight noises everywhere, goodnight you my other half :)

-smooches-

G.A.L.A.U

gak tau kenapa kata itu jadi ekspresi gw dan beberapa temen yang lain akhir-akhir ini, padahal kalo hectic weeks biasanya gw malah gak bakal kepikiran yang aneh-aneh sekarang kok berubah ya, hmm..

quick updates, I got sick few weeks ago, so sick I can't even go to college at that day. and lately I have to learn how to be a good friend for my new friends, their standards for "good friend" seemed different to me, but what can I do anyway?
and now, in this effin situation I can't be alone for just a moment because my mind will spin around and I'll be thinking about the past, the GOOD pasts.
I can't tell the details, but just moments ago, I suddenly remembered this thing:
yeah yeah, I know. I supposed to forget my 'used-to-be' college, but I'm just a human being. I regret for my decision, even just a little bit, but still I regret it. I have a dream to become a psychologist since I was only 12 y'o, but now I can't. *sigh*
I can't even continue this post. I'm too sad to tell my galauness right now. I need my real friends, who knows what to do when I'm in this effin situation, besides, I still have to complete my ass-ignment for tomorrow aargh.

goodnight people, goodnight world, goodnight you-in-other-city

-smooches-

brand new friendship

truthfully, I really don't know what I feel right now. do I still in love with you? or do I love you like I love the rest of the boys in our community?

please, please, treat me like you treat your other girlfriends. no more, no less. and don't use me as your excuse to your parents when the truth is you're with someone else, it's rude. it makes me numb.

now we start it all over again, as good friends. I really hope this can work out, though it feels weird being friends with the boy who used to made me cry almost every night, who made me fall head over heels, and pulled me in and out over and over again.

hello boy, let's make this brand new friendship out of drama and all shitties :)

ps. pardon my grammar :p

-smooches-

ospek osfak mabim

rasanya lama deh gak ngepost, sibuk ospek dkk sih :)

untungnya sekarang gw udah gak sesibuk dan serepot kemarin-kemarin, jadi bisa kembali aktif di blog hehe :p

heeem, sebenernya sekarang mau cur soal kegiatannya, but for some reasons, I have to speak wisely and pay attention with the content and the language. jadiiiiiiiiiiii yaa curnya sama orang-orang terdekat aja deh hihihi :D

intinya, ospek, osfak, mabim itu capeeeek, mental sama fisik lumayan diuji, mental lebih parah dari TO tapi fisik masih lebih parah TO sih, soalnya TO kan pake acara seri, lumpuran, lari kalo denger peluit (duh jadi kangeeen hiks :'( ) tapi MUNGKIN nanti ada outbond kali yaa, soalnya kalo ospek gitu kalo gapake outbond kurang gimaaans gitu, nyokap juga bilang gitu sih hehe

anyway I have to go now, some project need to be done today (sok bet nginggris)

-smooches-

o***k

I'm exhausted, angry, sad, lonely
I feel wasted and have no power anymore
I know this is college life, I've expected it
but why it feels so miserable?
why I have to be scared, but have no respect to you all?

insomnia

can't sleep, I miss my home. I miss the sound of the fan in my room, I miss the warmth of my room, and I miss my mom's goodnight hug :(

David Archuleta "YOU CAN".

Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come
To those who wait

Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me, I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Baby, when you look at me
Tell me what do you see?
Are these the eyes of someone
You could love?

'Cause everything that brought me here
Well, not it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and I know, yes, I know

This is where it all begins
So tell me it will never end
I can't fool myself
It's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Show me that good things come
To those who wait

-smooches-

I received everything I needed

move on

this is the third post I made in a day, seems I have time to waste :)

I was just looking old photos of mine when I realized one thing, "what if I'm not ready to move on?"

when I was in high school, I was surrounded by people I love (and secretly hate, just some people ;p) and I was in my "comfort" zone.

they were my back-ups, my trashbins (when I was in jumpy mood), my mood-boosters, my reason to come to school, and also my frienemies

and now I have to say goodbye to all of them. yes, we go to different universities, mostly to UI, my used-to-be future university :(

am I ready for this? leave my "comfort" zone and go to extremely new situation?

huh, ready or not, this is life.I don't have any choices, right?

ugh, have to now, time to watch Princess Hours LOL

p.s pardon my language :)

-smooches-

phase of life

The most difficult phase of life isn't when no one understands you, it's when you don't understand yourself

- Jeff Brown

grrraw

saking gak ada kerjaannya gw sampe ngepost lagi hari ini *tapi boong LOL :p

tadi ya gw baru liat tata tertib ospek fikom di facebook dan omaigot banyak banget yang mesti disiapin dadakan, sekarang kan udah rabu, sedangkan peralatannya mesti udah jadi paling gak sabtu malem -____-'

aduh semoga deh anak-anak fikom yang gw kenal mau berbaik hati buat tugas bareng, bayangin aja baru tadi dikasih tau kalo harus buat tas serut O.o

yaudah deh ya mau diapain lagi, katanya juga kalo ospek gak ribet ya bukan ospek namanya hahaha :D

baidewei tadi ada kumpul mkk fikom gitu terus ada senior pas sma, karna dia gak ngenalin gw yaudah gw juga pura-pura gak pernah liat hahaha, padahal gak mungkin banget gitu kan pas kelas X gw rajin ikut kegiatan rohkris (maaf banget ya ka, abis gengsi :p)

udah ah segini dulu, mau beli makan malem soalnya, maklum anak kos :)

-smooches-

F A T E

THANK GOD!

setelah bergalau ria selama 3 bulan dan gak ngepost apa-apa, akhirnya sekarang gw ngepost berita bahagia aka good news.

tanggal 16 Juli 2010 kemarin, gw dapet pengumuman yang gw gak sangka sama sekali, saya resmi diterima di Fakultas Ilmu Komunikasi Universitas Padjadjaran lewat SNMPTN pula :p

Puji Tuhan bangeeeet, gak nyangka sama sekali gw diterima disana, udah legowo sama untarnya aja gataunya dapet fikom unpad yang katanya bagus banget itu LOL :D

dan sekarang gw udah di jatinangor buat ngekos, padahal mulai ospek dan tetek bengeknya aja masih minggu depan.

homesick sih, tapi it's way better than not having any universities :)

udah ah, mau mandi dulu, terus tidur cepet, besok mau wawancara maba fikom soalnya hihihi :p

oiya, mau ngucapin HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST NERISSA ARVIANA :D have a blast one ya darl :*

dan besok puasa kan ya, jadi SELAMAT MENUNAIKAN IBADAH PUASA buat umat muslim ya

ciao peeps

~smooches

Beautiful Girl :)

gw lagi gloomy emang.

gadapet simak ngejatohin mental gw banget,

gw nangis seharian waktu pengumumannya.

tapi gw sadar,

nangis gak nyelesain masalah.

percuma aja gw nangis meraung-raung ky orang gila, toh gak bakal tiba-tiba gw dapet simaknya kok.

jadi, sekarang gw mau berubah.

gw sadar selama ini gw kurang belajar,

kurang berusaha,

dan yang paling penting, kurang berdoa.

Tuhan udah ngasih teguran yang cukup banget bikin gw sadar.

dan gw mau mulai berubah,

dari sikap, cara gw belajar, cara gw mendekatkan diri sama Tuhan, semuanya.

yaa gw mau ngikutin Astavida (Delapan Jalan Utama) buat ngilangin penderitaan menurut Buddha, yaitu :

• berpikir baik
• berniat baik
• berkata baik
• bertingkah laku baik
• makan minum baik
• berusaha yang baik
• perhatian yang baik
• semedi yang baik (kalo gw mungkin merenung yang bener kali ya)

wish me luck for this good changes people!

baidewei, gw lagi sukaaaa banget sama lagu ini,

check this out :

hope you enjoy it :)

-smooches-

31 INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT GIRLS

Just found this in my friend's Tumblr

1. When a girl says she’s sad, but she isn’t crying, it means she’s crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you’ve done something wrong, it’s best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can’t find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which
is why it is so hard for her to ‘get over him’ after the relationship’s over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she
will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don’t like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act look uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can’t go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don’t try to guess a girl’s feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words “I love you” is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she’ll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl’s ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple ‘Hi’ can brighten a girl’s day.

26. A girl’s best friend usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their ‘prettier’ friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

31. Girls always hope that they can always remain as friend with their ex. But never know how

-smooches-

nb. tomorrow's simak result will come.please pray for the best for me, you, and everyone :)

dag dig dug kembang kuncup

HUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :o

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TAAAAAAAAAAAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

maaf ya sama ekspresi gw yang gak jelas diatas, itu pelampiasan dari KETAKUTAN gw selama kurang lebih 1 bulan ini

hem, buat yang gak/belom tau, besok itu adalah PENGUMUMAN SIMAK UI 2010. and I really really want to pass the test. gw SANGAT AMAT MAU Psikologi UI dari gw kelas 4 SD. dan menurut gw, ini adalah ujian terberat dalam hidup gw setelah UAN sd,smp,sma, dan ujian hidup lainnya (yang sukses buat nangis tersedu-sedu).

tadinya pengumumannya itu tanggal 15 mei, dan gw udah niat-niatin banget mulai hari ini mau belajar serius buat umb (gak ada yang tau sama hasil simak bukan?). tapi ternyata, pas gw buka twitter, ada anak-anak yang bilang kalo "PENGUMUMAN SIMAK DIMAJUKAN MENJADI 8 MEI 2010, DITAMPILKAN DI KOMPAS". gosh, gw langsung lemes bacanya :(

gw emang maunya simak itu jangan lama-lama ngumuminnya, capek orang nunggunya. tapi dikasih tau dadakan H-1 gini juga lemes banget, berasa gak siap, mau nangis aja bawaannya. apalagi 2 hari yang lalu gw baru dapet penolakan dari Universitas Padjajaran yang di Bandung itu loh. gak, gw gak sedih gak dapet disana, banyak yang lebih butuh unpad daripada gw. tapi yang namanya ditolak pasti kecewa dan sebel dan rada down :'(

doa gw sekarang cuma 1 deh, "Tuhan, tolong kasih EMPEROR yang terbaik. semoga apa yang kami inginkan memang yang terbaik menurutMu"

-smooches-

nb.please pray for EMPEROR tomorrow's simak result :)

When You Say

here's my new favorite YouTube singer : Gabe Bondoc.

lagunya yang ini baguuus banget, bisa diliat liriknya :

WHEN YOU SAY

I remember the first time
it's always playing in my mind
I've never felt like this before
nononono

and every time that you kiss me
feels like I'm having a sweet dream
and i'mma never feel the way i do with anyone else

my pulse is racing
when I see your face and
here is what you're doing to me

when you
when you say
you love
love me
I can feel my heart
beat beat
race behind my chest

every time is the first time
so I pretend it's the last time
that I'mma ever hear you say those words
three little words

I wanna hold you forever
I promise that I ain't never
never ever gonna let you go
I want you to know

my pulse is racing
when I see your face and
here is what you're doing to me

[chrous]

if ever you question my feelings
place your hand on my heart, you'll feel it's beating for you
cuz he knows, he knew before I did
I'm not scared, I'm tired of hiding
I know that it's you because

[chorus]

cakep pula orangnya hihihi

grade 12's pressures

HELLO, I'M BACK!

gak bakal sering-sering kaya dulu sih, tapi yang penting gw udah "bangkit" dari hiatus panjang haha :D

baidewei, gw gak mau ceritain semua kejadian dari mei 2009-januari 2010 ya, sekarang gw cuma mau cerita tentang... hm... kelas 12.

kelas 12 itu : exhausting. tiap hari les, di sekolah pm ini itu, belom lagi kalo ada waktu kosong temen-temen pada ngerjain soal apapun yang bisa ditemuin. males sih gw, tapi kan gondok juga sendirian gak ngerjain soal gitu, jadi yaaa.... ikut deh :p

daaaan gw memutuskan buat milih fakultas Psikologi sama Teknik Industri. yeah, ipc memang. tapi mau diapain lagi? daridulu cita-cita emang Psikologi, jurusan IPA juga mungkin memang yang terbaik buat gw di SMA ini hihihi

apalagi yaaa? OH! fyi, I really not over him 'til now -_______-

Roses are pretty, violets are too.... You used to hurt me, why am I still in love with you?

smooches :)