I'm not okay

I'm not okay. At all. I thought I've already over you. I thought I've already given up on you after that (undirect) confession. I keep telling myself I would go for someone else, you didn't deserve me. But truth is, I'm not deserve you. You're too perfect to be mine, I've known for awhile that you just want us to be friends. No more, no less. But the stubborn me keep hanging the hope that we'll be together, even until now. Even when all I can do is just staring your id chat when you're online, or away, or busy. Doesn't have enough guts to say hello. I pretend to be okay, I pretend to not care, but actually that fake attitude isn't me, it's you. I'm not okay, I care too much, I can't move on at all. When I say I want everything to be the way it used to be, I mean it. Please please, when you read this someday, do not push me away. Keep me as your friend, just like the old times. Because without you, I AM NOT OKAY