Sky is The Limit

I know nothing about fashion. All I know is when I get dressed, I have to feel comfortable and pretty. But when I grow up, I learn something. Fashion is part of human life. Fashion is history, in their own way. The more I learn about fashion, the more I'm getting into it. And know, I love fashion, in my own way too. I'm majoring journalism and I'm planning to be fashion journalist when I graduate or when I have the opportunity.

Well, I used to have a passion about music. I still have it now, but not as much as I have for fashion. It would be great to work in music magazine, report about cool concerts all over the world, make review about new bands or new songs, and so on. But I'll be happy to death if I can do that, plus be a fashion journalist too. I know I'm greedy and people who read will say, "keep dreaming, fool." Well that's what I do, keep dreaming cause sky is the limit.

OVER

I’m aware the path that I’ve chosen is risky and full of consequences, but doesn’t mean I’m okay with that. I hate the tension, hate the pressure. I feel stupid to follow their rule. But hey, this is my consequences for choosing this effin’ major. I won’t call it orientation, but initiation. What kind of orientation that take a very long time like this? Therefore I call it initiation to be their family.

I won’t complaining, not anymore. I’m learning something that college don’t teach. Maybe my writing isn’t good enough to be proud of, but at least I can write essays or stories, indeed. I cried a few times, I got mad uncountable times, and didn’t have holiday! Well, I can’t blame them all, I know my friends (and I) isn’t qualifying to be their ‘family’. We complain a lot but we shut our mouths when they ask anything to us. Some of us even don’t care about this initiation. I don’t, either. But I care of my friends that got the blame from them.

And after this long months, it will finally be over. Won’t end easily, I guess. But the tension and the pressure I felt all this time is nauseating, so whatever they will do at the end, I hope it won’t be anti-climax, because I will laugh till my lungs out when that happen. LOL

I'm not okay

I'm not okay. At all. I thought I've already over you. I thought I've already given up on you after that (undirect) confession. I keep telling myself I would go for someone else, you didn't deserve me. But truth is, I'm not deserve you. You're too perfect to be mine, I've known for awhile that you just want us to be friends. No more, no less. But the stubborn me keep hanging the hope that we'll be together, even until now. Even when all I can do is just staring your id chat when you're online, or away, or busy. Doesn't have enough guts to say hello. I pretend to be okay, I pretend to not care, but actually that fake attitude isn't me, it's you. I'm not okay, I care too much, I can't move on at all. When I say I want everything to be the way it used to be, I mean it. Please please, when you read this someday, do not push me away. Keep me as your friend, just like the old times. Because without you, I AM NOT OKAY

Final Goodbye

I reached my limit

Akhirnya gue bilang semuanya ke lo, walaupun gak terang-terangan tapi gue tau lo cukup pinter buat ngerti.

Tadinya gue pikir "what's the worst that can happen?" Toh gue ngerasa nyimpen ini semua udah cukup buat gue capek. Gak taunya respon akhir lo itu buat gue makin bingung,
Gue mesti ngerelain perasaan gue apa pertemanan kita?

Gue sedih banget, gak boong deh. Gue gak tau kapan bakal ketemu lo lagi, walaupun kata orang-orang pasti bakal ketemu/papasan suatu waktu, tetep aja gue ngerasa apa yang gue bilang ke lo bener-bener jadi final goodbye for us. Sakit? Pasti. Tapi gue gak tau kapan bisa move on dari lo kalo gue gak pernah jujur sama lo.

Dan gue cuma berharap, kapan pun kita ketemu lagi, we're gonna be different person with steady lover, jadi gue gak bakal berharap apa-apa dari lo lagi. Makasih ya buat semuanya :')

welcome 2011

hello

that was the word I always heard in 2010, especially when I went to college

so many 'hellos' and 'goodbyes' I heard last year, so much tears, pressures, struggles that me and my friends had last years, but in the end, we finally had the happiness and joy :)

I threw my so called future university, then I felt like I'm having karma for doing that. I didn't pass four university tests. I felt so low and almost gave up right before SNMPTN because it seemed impossible to pass that prestigious test.

"Tuhan itu baik loh, dia pasti ngasih sesuatu tepat pada waktunya"

somebody kept saying that to me, thanks to you I finally had my confidence in God by keep praying and studying ;)

And I thank to my almighty Jesus Christ for all things He has given to me :')

I passed SNMPTN, succesfully get the second option (yeah I got a bit upset, but still, THANK GOD)

and here I am, the college student of Communication Faculty in Padjadjaran University

nb. sori capek berbahasa bule, campur-campur dikit gapapa ye ;p

di Fikom yang uberkewl ini, gue dapet temen-temen dari berbagai tempat. ada yang dari Jakarta, Bekasi (iya itu masih sekota), Bandung dan sekitarnya, dan dari pulau-pulau di Sumatra dan Jawa. awalnya sih kurang nyaman gara-gara masih culture shock. di kelas isinya anak-anak SNMPTN otomatis dominasinya ya dari daerah. tapi akhirnya... I really really enjoy being one of them =D

so many hellos, so many goodbyes

pas wisuda kemaren, belom terasa sedihnya. tapi begitu misah di universitas masing-masing, terasa banget sedihnya. kangen sama becandaan, berantemnya, kerja samanya anak-anak rc0809, kangen sama kegilaan dan kekompakan anak-anak Mandi Madu, kangen sahabat-sahabat gue yang selalu nyiapin kuping dan waktunya kalo gue butuh curhat, dari yang gak penting sampe yang pake air mata buaya :')

hey girls and boys, I really miss you all

the good point, I'll never see THE boy that make my world upside down in a long time (at least that's what I thought)

gue kira saking lamanya gak bakal ketemu, nantinya pas ketemu lagi I will already move on and we can say hello in a very friendly way.

tapi tapi tapi :(

an unexpected thing happened, we finally meet again with my half-healed wound. I fell for him again, I gave my heart (again) to him, and the consequence, I drowned too deep for the same reason 7 months ago.

I’m a broken-hearted girl in the end of 2010

Sekarang, gue ambil tindakan tegas. Untuk kali ini gue terpaksa gak ketemu sama temen-temen gue buat menghindar dari dia. Gue (dengan agak berat hati) ke acara yang kalau dipikir-pikir, gak sepenting dari ngumpul bareng sahabat-sahabat gue itu. Yeah guys, blame him for making me a coward

Dan 2011, please be nice to me. I’m having UAS this week but here I am, blogging.

Resolusi buat tahun ini gak terlalu muluk-muluk lah kaya taun lalu, soalnya taun lalu itu bukti kalo Tuhan selalu ngasih yang terbaik buat gue di saat yang tepat :)

My ultimate 2011 wish :

Give the best, get the best, and being a better me

So please God and everyone, help me to complete this wishes

-smooches-

150410

that was the saddest moment in my teenage life

I (finally) cried over a boy

It's sad, not because the broken heart I felt, but because I did the taboo thing I wish I'd never did,

cried - over - a - boy

It has been almost seven months after that moment,

he never know what he's done to me until now, yeah maybe he knew a bit, but he surely didn't know the details.

we're friends now, a good one. better than before and I have no pressure anymore to behave or do good stuff in front of him. I thank God for that.

and know, after a little talk with my bestfriend, suddenly I remembered that moment again. I already forgave him, surely, whether he knew or not. but the memory just came back last night and I can't help but feel sad until now.

we move on, I know, and I do it too, but I miss the feelings, when I got texts from him, chatted with him, even when I got phonecalls from him. only the feeling, not the person (thank God)

I don't miss you

I miss me when I'm with you

You Don't Know Me

You give your hand to me
And then you say, "Hello."
And I can hardly speak,
My heart is beating so.

And anyone can tell
You think you know me well.
Well, you don't know me.

No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night;
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight

Oh I'm just a friend.
That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me.

For I never knew the art of making love,
Though my heart aches with love for you.

Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.

You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky girl

Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me

Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.

Oh, you give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky girl

Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me

The True Purpose of Industry

And I've tried to find happiness in a bigger TV, a car and a watch. I've tried to find happiness in power over others and the respect of the people around me. And I appreciate your patience, while you stand here, right in front of me.

Waiting for me to come to my senses.

postingan di kala bosen

got nothing to do here, so I decided to post some stuffs to my blog *boong banget padahal masih ada tugas statos sama persiapan role play besok* :p

anyway, I've been settling down in Jatinangor dan sedikit-sedikit gw lumayan bisa lah nyaman sama suasana sini. walaupun awalnya gw kurang betah, tapi karena ada bocah-bocah ini :

gw jadi mulai nyaman soalnya sebagian besar juga dari jakarta, bahkan ada yang dari 61, tetangganya sekolah gw, how small world it is ck

but in the other side, I felt a lil' bit uncomfy with my whole new classmates. dunno why, but maybe one of the reasons is my class consists of snmptn's grads. as you know then, most of my classmates are... yeah, non-jakarta people.

sorry sorry, I'm not being rude. I just wanna explain why in the beginning I didn't feel comfortable around them. kaya kata dosen gw nih, kalo komunikasi yang efektif itu terjadi karna adanya commoness, yaitu kesamaan. mungkin karna itu kali ya gw gak nyaman.

but but but, after a month or so, my faculty were having dies natalis or 50th birthday ceremony and we, the new collegers, had to attend the ceremony in Unpad DU, Bandung. ( I still don't know why we're having ceremony in bandung yet our faculty is in nangor, but why bother? ;p )

after that long and not-so-boring ceremony, me and some of my classmates had some 'photoshoots' then we headed to ciwalk to do karaoke-ing.

and oh gawd, they're so crazyyyy. they chose really random songs, as long as the song could make us screamed and danced.

oh here they are :

judge freely please, but one thing I've learned that don't ever judge people by their cover. and time by time, I'm almost comfortable around them. why just almost? because still, some of them are annoying and can't behave normally.

ah, I still miss my high school friends of course, but even the Bible says don't look back. I don't mean to forget them, I just thought that we can see our future if we don't keep remember the past all the time, right?

shoot, I have to sleep now, I have a roleplay contest presenting my class. tau kok gw, si gagu nina gaya bener ikutan lomba begituan sekarang? LOL. I have no idea either, maybe this is my lesson to be a better person? ;)

goodnight world, goodnight noises everywhere, goodnight you my other half :)

-smooches-

G.A.L.A.U

gak tau kenapa kata itu jadi ekspresi gw dan beberapa temen yang lain akhir-akhir ini, padahal kalo hectic weeks biasanya gw malah gak bakal kepikiran yang aneh-aneh sekarang kok berubah ya, hmm..

quick updates, I got sick few weeks ago, so sick I can't even go to college at that day. and lately I have to learn how to be a good friend for my new friends, their standards for "good friend" seemed different to me, but what can I do anyway?
and now, in this effin situation I can't be alone for just a moment because my mind will spin around and I'll be thinking about the past, the GOOD pasts.
I can't tell the details, but just moments ago, I suddenly remembered this thing:
yeah yeah, I know. I supposed to forget my 'used-to-be' college, but I'm just a human being. I regret for my decision, even just a little bit, but still I regret it. I have a dream to become a psychologist since I was only 12 y'o, but now I can't. *sigh*
I can't even continue this post. I'm too sad to tell my galauness right now. I need my real friends, who knows what to do when I'm in this effin situation, besides, I still have to complete my ass-ignment for tomorrow aargh.

goodnight people, goodnight world, goodnight you-in-other-city

-smooches-

brand new friendship

truthfully, I really don't know what I feel right now. do I still in love with you? or do I love you like I love the rest of the boys in our community?

please, please, treat me like you treat your other girlfriends. no more, no less. and don't use me as your excuse to your parents when the truth is you're with someone else, it's rude. it makes me numb.

now we start it all over again, as good friends. I really hope this can work out, though it feels weird being friends with the boy who used to made me cry almost every night, who made me fall head over heels, and pulled me in and out over and over again.

hello boy, let's make this brand new friendship out of drama and all shitties :)

ps. pardon my grammar :p

-smooches-

ospek osfak mabim

rasanya lama deh gak ngepost, sibuk ospek dkk sih :)

untungnya sekarang gw udah gak sesibuk dan serepot kemarin-kemarin, jadi bisa kembali aktif di blog hehe :p

heeem, sebenernya sekarang mau cur soal kegiatannya, but for some reasons, I have to speak wisely and pay attention with the content and the language. jadiiiiiiiiiiii yaa curnya sama orang-orang terdekat aja deh hihihi :D

intinya, ospek, osfak, mabim itu capeeeek, mental sama fisik lumayan diuji, mental lebih parah dari TO tapi fisik masih lebih parah TO sih, soalnya TO kan pake acara seri, lumpuran, lari kalo denger peluit (duh jadi kangeeen hiks :'( ) tapi MUNGKIN nanti ada outbond kali yaa, soalnya kalo ospek gitu kalo gapake outbond kurang gimaaans gitu, nyokap juga bilang gitu sih hehe

anyway I have to go now, some project need to be done today (sok bet nginggris)

-smooches-

o***k

I'm exhausted, angry, sad, lonely
I feel wasted and have no power anymore
I know this is college life, I've expected it
but why it feels so miserable?
why I have to be scared, but have no respect to you all?

insomnia

can't sleep, I miss my home. I miss the sound of the fan in my room, I miss the warmth of my room, and I miss my mom's goodnight hug :(

David Archuleta "YOU CAN".

Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come
To those who wait

Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me, I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Baby, when you look at me
Tell me what do you see?
Are these the eyes of someone
You could love?

'Cause everything that brought me here
Well, not it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and I know, yes, I know

This is where it all begins
So tell me it will never end
I can't fool myself
It's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Show me that good things come
To those who wait

-smooches-

I received everything I needed

move on

this is the third post I made in a day, seems I have time to waste :)

I was just looking old photos of mine when I realized one thing, "what if I'm not ready to move on?"

when I was in high school, I was surrounded by people I love (and secretly hate, just some people ;p) and I was in my "comfort" zone.

they were my back-ups, my trashbins (when I was in jumpy mood), my mood-boosters, my reason to come to school, and also my frienemies

and now I have to say goodbye to all of them. yes, we go to different universities, mostly to UI, my used-to-be future university :(

am I ready for this? leave my "comfort" zone and go to extremely new situation?

huh, ready or not, this is life.I don't have any choices, right?

ugh, have to now, time to watch Princess Hours LOL

p.s pardon my language :)

-smooches-

phase of life

The most difficult phase of life isn't when no one understands you, it's when you don't understand yourself

- Jeff Brown

grrraw

saking gak ada kerjaannya gw sampe ngepost lagi hari ini *tapi boong LOL :p

tadi ya gw baru liat tata tertib ospek fikom di facebook dan omaigot banyak banget yang mesti disiapin dadakan, sekarang kan udah rabu, sedangkan peralatannya mesti udah jadi paling gak sabtu malem -____-'

aduh semoga deh anak-anak fikom yang gw kenal mau berbaik hati buat tugas bareng, bayangin aja baru tadi dikasih tau kalo harus buat tas serut O.o

yaudah deh ya mau diapain lagi, katanya juga kalo ospek gak ribet ya bukan ospek namanya hahaha :D

baidewei tadi ada kumpul mkk fikom gitu terus ada senior pas sma, karna dia gak ngenalin gw yaudah gw juga pura-pura gak pernah liat hahaha, padahal gak mungkin banget gitu kan pas kelas X gw rajin ikut kegiatan rohkris (maaf banget ya ka, abis gengsi :p)

udah ah segini dulu, mau beli makan malem soalnya, maklum anak kos :)

-smooches-

F A T E

THANK GOD!

setelah bergalau ria selama 3 bulan dan gak ngepost apa-apa, akhirnya sekarang gw ngepost berita bahagia aka good news.

tanggal 16 Juli 2010 kemarin, gw dapet pengumuman yang gw gak sangka sama sekali, saya resmi diterima di Fakultas Ilmu Komunikasi Universitas Padjadjaran lewat SNMPTN pula :p

Puji Tuhan bangeeeet, gak nyangka sama sekali gw diterima disana, udah legowo sama untarnya aja gataunya dapet fikom unpad yang katanya bagus banget itu LOL :D

dan sekarang gw udah di jatinangor buat ngekos, padahal mulai ospek dan tetek bengeknya aja masih minggu depan.

homesick sih, tapi it's way better than not having any universities :)

udah ah, mau mandi dulu, terus tidur cepet, besok mau wawancara maba fikom soalnya hihihi :p

oiya, mau ngucapin HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST NERISSA ARVIANA :D have a blast one ya darl :*

dan besok puasa kan ya, jadi SELAMAT MENUNAIKAN IBADAH PUASA buat umat muslim ya

ciao peeps

~smooches